FEAR, LOATHING AND PASSION

Post 1 of many

Before all you literary OCD annoying people out there bash me for stealing a concept out of David Hicks book....your right...David Hicks is genius and I am proud to say I stole the idea right off of page 224 of his book. This blog's name is a reference to his book and style after all. If any of you don't know who he is, I recommend his book: DAVID HICKS, my kind of garden.

I fear the tacky people will take over the world and spread horrible red mulch and garish colored annuals around so yes, I'm fearful, but confident the real world of great gardeners can overtake this immoral majority of tackiness and take back the country.

I also Loath the weekend makeover mentality that has nothing to do with gardening or good design at any level....so just stop it....already! If your in this group, read this!

Things I love to loath

1. RED MULCH:
Horrible misguided tacky stuff that should be banned.

2. MULCH VOLCANOES:
Volcanoes around trees and shrubs..not only is it bad for your plants. (IT'S UGLY)

3. LITTLE CUTE CONCRETE STATUES:
Bunny's, frogs, mother Teresa, all on my hit lists of never do under any circumstance. Plastic versions even worse.

4. PLASTIC POND LINERS:
Prefab, biomorph shaped plastic pond liners...fake looking, stupid contraptions that should all be recycled for some good use.

5. WATERFALLS/NATURAL PONDS:
Not all but most. Especially those kind the build on the home and garden network. If you have a flat property, don't build a fake berm and stick a waterfall on it. Unless your going for horrifying theme park concept!

You can be successful with this feature but it will take a lot of effort and usually money to make it look natural. I much prefer formal or modern water features that are constructed of concrete, stone, glass or other permanent materials and are designed as art.

6. CONCRETE PAVERS:
Not all, but most especially the ones that come with that no fade surface, so It can look perfectly tacky for years to come. (Try real brick or granite cobble) I also love concrete surfaces used in modern ways. Let the material be what it is. If a product is trying to look like something else, its almost always a bad idea.

7. BIRD FEEDERS, HUMMINGBIRD FEEDS:
Plastic, wood or metal monstrosities that are the equivalent of putting an old sofa on the front porch...YUCH

8. PLASTIC OUTDOOR FURNITURE:
Read blog entry sit on it.

9. ASPHALT DRIVES:
I know this will be a controversial one! There ugly and like big black mark leading up to your house. If you must have kids give them a little patch with one of those dreadful basketball hopes hidden by hedges or other planting somewhere. Or try the PARK, that's what there for.

Alternatives:
Oil and stone top for your asphalt drive is a nice finish. Pea gravel is a nice option and other native materials depending on your area like in Nantucket they used crushed shells, very beautiful option. Stone is one of my favorites, but of course that can really be a formidable cost in a long driveway. I love grass strip in the center of a concrete drive...I have seen this work great with a mid century modern house for a small drive. It allows a little more green and is better for environment.

In a few western states they have developed a soil stabilization product that is made from Pine sap and other organic materials. These have a natural color to them and look much more at home with the land. This process has not come to the Northeast yet. I tried to find an installer for a project I worked on in Darien CT but none could be found. Still a specialty.